Opening up to people is not something that I do. I have a very, very small group (read: I can count them on one hand) of friends that I have known for most of my life. My best friend, Nancy, has been my friend since we were four years old. This small group knows everything and anything about me. They have been with me through thick and thin, from the good, to the bad, to the ugly and then to the really ugly. I trust them and my trust is not something that comes easily. Beyond that I have a ton of wonderful, caring, supportive friends that I love and enjoy but that don’t know me like the others do. That’s mostly because I have such a hard time sharing anything personal. I tend to keep people at arm’s length. It’s not that I don’t like you…I do, really I do…I just don’t want to pour my life story on you So friends, there’s something you should know. It’s something that will help you understand more about the life that I live every day and will allow me to share more about my personal life and the decisions that I make. It’s nothing horrible but, by writing this, I feel like I’m justifying myself and my decisions and that’s not something I like to do. OK….Deeeeeep breath.
Most people know that I have a roommate, Kevin. Kevin is like my husband, father and brother all in one person. He’s in the small group of best friends. He has seen me at my absolute worse, my absolute best and everything in between. Our relationship is much like a husband and wife. Most people who know us, think we should be married because we already act like a stereotypical married couple including the no sex part. People who don’t know us, think that we are married – usually because that’s what we tell them since it doesn’t take any explanation. I call his parents mom and dad or “the pseudo” as in pseudo-in-laws. Like a father would be, he’s super protective of me and for very good reason. But, like a brother, we can talk about anything and we can have a lot of fun. Next to Nancy, he is my best friend in the entire world. Our relationship goes well beyond a normal friendship and most of that is because of what we have been through.
Our relationship and some of the things that I write about may seem completely strange to you but this is my life. If it ever gets confusing, pretend Kevin is my husband. If I ever go on a date again, pretend my husband and I have an open relationship. You don’t have to understand (even Nancy doesn’t really get it) but, please don’t judge me for it.
This blog is meant to be personal. I want to open up more. I want to talk about my triumphs and my struggles; my future and my past; my life at home and my life outside. This is my life at home. It’s something that affects my decisions every day. It’s not a conventional life but you’ll probably find out that not much of life is, or ever has been, conventional.
This is just one of many things that you should know but I’m working on telling you more. As small as this revelation may seem to you, it was huge to me. I apologize for the rambling type post but I just had to get it out and not edit myself. I hope you’ll stick with me. This blog and my 365 in 365 project are hugely important to me and I truly appreciate your support.