There’s something you should know but I have no idea how to tell you.
Opening up to people is not something that I do. I have a very, very small group (read: I can count them on one hand) of friends that I have known for most of my life. My best friend, Nancy, has been my friend since we were four years old. This small group knows everything and anything about me. They have been with me through thick and thin, from the good, to the bad, to the ugly and then to the really ugly. I trust them and my trust is not something that comes easily. Beyond that I have a ton of wonderful, caring, supportive friends that I love and enjoy but that don’t know me like the others do. That’s mostly because I have such a hard time sharing anything personal. I tend to keep people at arm’s length. It’s not that I don’t like you…I do, really I do…I just don’t want to pour my life story on you So friends, there’s something you should know. It’s something that will help you understand more about the life that I live every day and will allow me to share more about my personal life and the decisions that I make. It’s nothing horrible but, by writing this, I feel like I’m justifying myself and my decisions and that’s not something I like to do. OK….Deeeeeep breath.
Most people know that I have a roommate, Kevin. Kevin is like my husband, father and brother all in one person. He’s in the small group of best friends. He has seen me at my absolute worse, my absolute best and everything in between. Our relationship is much like a husband and wife. Most people who know us, think we should be married because we already act like a stereotypical married couple including the no sex part. People who don’t know us, think that we are married – usually because that’s what we tell them since it doesn’t take any explanation. I call his parents mom and dad or “the pseudo” as in pseudo-in-laws. Like a father would be, he’s super protective of me and for very good reason. But, like a brother, we can talk about anything and we can have a lot of fun. Next to Nancy, he is my best friend in the entire world. Our relationship goes well beyond a normal friendship and most of that is because of what we have been through.
Our relationship and some of the things that I write about may seem completely strange to you but this is my life. If it ever gets confusing, pretend Kevin is my husband. If I ever go on a date again, pretend my husband and I have an open relationship. You don’t have to understand (even Nancy doesn’t really get it) but, please don’t judge me for it.
This blog is meant to be personal. I want to open up more. I want to talk about my triumphs and my struggles; my future and my past; my life at home and my life outside. This is my life at home. It’s something that affects my decisions every day. It’s not a conventional life but you’ll probably find out that not much of life is, or ever has been, conventional.
This is just one of many things that you should know but I’m working on telling you more. As small as this revelation may seem to you, it was huge to me. I apologize for the rambling type post but I just had to get it out and not edit myself. I hope you’ll stick with me. This blog and my 365 in 365 project are hugely important to me and I truly appreciate your support.
No Day But Today 
Way to open up! Very brave of you, keep it up! No judgments here 😉
Thanks so much! You are a great friend. 🙂
Great job with this one. I am glad that you are overcoming your fears and letting people in. It must be very hard for you, but a relief to get it out there in the open. It is so good to know that you have someone that cares for you and understands you that is so close and will to step in in those times of need. I am sticking around, or perhaps you’re just plain stuck with me. You’ll be sorry….
Thank you! It’s very hard for me to open up about my life but it feels good to get it out.
I’m glad you’re sticking around. I truly appreciate your support and friendship.
I get it, I don’t see it as an issue or anything weird. It’s good to have someone like that in your life. You’re very lucky to have him. What happens though if one of you starts dating someone seriously? Does it have a strong effect on your relationships? (The new one and the one with Kevin?)
Oh, and you’re stuck with me too!
I’m happy to be stuck with you. Thank you!
Dating doesn’t change anything about how we treat each other. I dated one guy that couldn’t deal with the fact that I had male friends, let alone lived with one of them. I’ve always been honest with guys about it and tell them that he is like my family and he’s not going away.
If I ever start dating again, we’ll see what happens. If I’m going to seriously date someone, one of the most important things to me is they have to understand my relationships (not just Kevin but my family, friends, etc.)…which can be an undertaking.
I’m sure all of this will be a blog post in the future, though. That’s one of the reasons that getting this out now is important to me. Now I can talk about other things that are effected by it without leaving this out or giving small parts of the back story.
Thansk for the comment!
Eh, it can be a group therapy thing. I suck at sharing things too. >_>
There’s about three people in the world I can say anything to, and past that I barely let people know anything about me. I’m a hermit, and it’s one of the things I hate most about myself.
Part of me trying this tweetup stuff was to meet new people and see if I could make new connections. Could be a good start with everyone just pouring their souls out to each other. aha. 😀
Not being able to share things about myself is one of my least desirable qualities in my mind. I’m working on it but am still gun-shy. I hate to appear vulnerable and I really don’t want anyone’s pity and that’s what I think will happen when I let things out. We shall see, I suppose.
I’m glad you’ve joined us at the tweetups! I had a similar purpose in starting them. As a result of my moving and friends moving and concentrating on building a career I ended up not knowing many people around here. I’ve met some awesome people through the tweetups (including you) and I hope to expand the group this year so we can all meet other people.
Thank you for being a part of the tweetups and for the comment. I really appreciate it.
Yeah, absolutely my reasoning behind it. It kinda hit me one day that I’m 26 and I have two friends (and their significant others) that aren’t family, and I don’t go anywhere to meet people.
Tweetups are good! 😀
I’m glad you like the tweetups! They’ve definitely served their purpose for me. Hopefully we’ll have one at the end of this month.
Hmmmm, it never dawned on me as unconventional or weird….and I assumed that level of closeness just by the little things you say or the stories tell.
Oh *I* know why…I had that type of relationship too! Thought something seemed familiar.
Thanks T! I know not everyone thinks it’s weird but there are plenty of people that want to judge you for it or think that it should be different. It affects the decisions I make and a lot of people don’t get that. They want to know how your roommate could impact your life like that. I’m glad I’m not the only one that’s been in this situation. Thanks again T!
In my situation were both protecting ourselves and each other….eventually he trusted the world with his sexual identity and learned how to live that life. We eventually went in different directions but those many years were critical for both of us. It is a good story….for another time of course!
I’ll hold you to that. 🙂
You ever read the play, “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?”
Your situation kind of reminds me of that. Minus all the drinking and anger. More like creating your own reality about a home life that works for you, and not letting the world in to see.
If you are unfamiliar with the work, it may be an interesting read.
That is on my list of books to read. In my high school AP English class we had a choice of a few “classic” books to read and “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woof?” was one of the options that I did not choose. Thank you for the suggestion and the comment.
It doesn’t strike me as strange that you have a friend like Kevin…I’ve had many guys over the years who were just friends (regardless of what others thought of us) and several that I lived with to boot. It was always the addition of other women that ended those friendships and it makes me sad that they’re gone…but I digress.
You’ll find yourself opening up a little more with each post. I’m so very glad that we met…keep trying, it does get easier!
I’ve always had more guy friends than girl friends and some of those friendships have ended because of other women. It’s a very sad thing that I believe results from the insecurities that are drilled into girls from a young age…but, like you, I digress.
Thanks for the encouragement and inspiration. I’m very glad that we met, too.