I have a friend who we’ll call K. K and I have known each other since 4th grade. I won’t go into the intricate details of our friendship but, we were best friends in the full sense of the phrase. Until about a year ago…
When K graduated from college, she moved to NYC. She found a nice apartment, was hanging out with her sorority sisters and had a great job. She was pretty busy with work and friends down there and I was pretty busy with the same, just three hours north. We still managed to stay in touch, though and still saw each other on occasion – her parents still live locally and she would come home to visit.
Over the past year and a half, we’ve grown apart (to say the least). At first, it was because our schedules didn’t mesh but, we would still see each other when one of us was in the others town. Then that stopped happening.
It pretty much ended when K was home for a long weekend several months ago. We had made plans to go out on Saturday night for dinner but she had to do something with her family first and was supposed to call me when she was done. Despite my calls and text messages, she didn’t end up calling me until 11pm, by which time I was already tired and not up for going out. We agreed that I would meet her at the train station the next day for breakfast before she headed back to the city. She was supposed to call me in the morning. That never happened.
This was just the beginning of what has become the end. Following that incident, I was in the city and, despite repeated texts and a tentative plan, in the end she ignored me and we didn’t end up seeing each other. Since then, she has been home and made no attempt to get together with me or even to say hi while she was here.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming her. I’ve been in the city and haven’t bothered to contact her. I haven’t called or texted or reached out in any way…mostly because I’m just done with trying.
Over the years, our friendship has pretty much been on a down-slide. While we were still friends, we no longer had similar interests. We didn’t want the same things out of life. We had different friends and different ideas of what a friend should be. Basically, our friendship had died a slow death.
Here’s the thing…I’m fine with the death of our friendship but I feel like there’s a huge pink elephant in the rooms – neither one of us has acknowledged to the other that our friendship has died. I feel like we have unfinished business. On my most recent trip to NYC, I considered calling her to see if she would meet me for brunch; the whole point being and means to an end. I feel like I need to clear the air. To say:
“You were one of my best friends. I still love you but, it’s obvious our friendship has died. I’ll still be there if you ever need anything but, lets not pretend that we are a big part of each others lives anymore.“
Unfortunately, I found out she was going to be away that weekend so it didn’t happen. A friends said I should just call her and say what I have to say but, I feel like this is too personal for a phone call.
What do you think I should do? Should I let it go and let life take its course? Or should I find a way to clear the air? Have you had a similar experience?